I could have written a list of a hundred reasons not to kill yourself, but I decided that you probably wanted a more quality over quantity approach (because time is of the essence). Whether you want to let that in or not, it’s the truth. But I am still over here loving and accepting you where you are at… because I have been in that exact place, where I doubted the love or care of anyone for me. What a bunch of bullshit! You don’t know pain like MY pain!”… fine. And right now, in my mind, I am wrapping my freakishly long arms around you in the worlds biggest bear hug as I write these words.Īnd even if your mind (aka ego) is resisting what I’m saying and pushing back with “You don’t know me. I love you because I know your pain all too well. And why can I say that? I love you because I am you. I can say that with total confidence without ever having met you in person. So if you have found your way to this article on an especially dark day, I just want you to know, first and foremost, that I love you. I know what suffering feels like, and I know intimately what suicidal ideation sounds like rattling around in my mind for months on end. I once tried to overdose on pain killers. There were times when I felt deeply hopeless. There were years when I had countless panic attacks. I feel hopeless and terrible all the time, and this pain isn’t worth enduring.” There have been, with the most conservative estimate, at least 300 days throughout my lifetime where I thought to myself, “I should just end it. I have been through three major depressive episodes in my lifetime. Some tiny sliver inside of ourselves wants our dark thoughts to be proven wrong… somehow. Even if her parents were abusive monsters of human beings in their own worlds of pain, it is fairly undeniable that yes, they would be upset by finding out that their child that they had loved and raised had taken her own life. She thought that her killing herself might upset her parents. She had wanted to do it for months on end.
The message encapsulated so much of what happens during a depressive episode. Not only because I loved her and understood her pain, but because I could have written those exact two sentences myself only a year prior (not to mention my actual suicide attempts when I was younger.) She was deeply hurting in her life, and she felt brave enough to reach out to me for help.Īs soon as I read the email, tears leapt to my eyes. This is the entirety of an email that I received from a reader of mine.
I’m only holding on because I think me killing myself might upset my parents.” “I have wanted to kill myself, every day, for the last three months. With slightly more subtle songwriting than before, it's certainly worth a few plays.If you’re searching for reasons not to kill yourself, then you would be doing me the greatest possible service by reading this article. Although this album may have slipped under the commercial radar - particularly by the band's standards - it continued to be a tease to fans of the earlier material. It's a more even album than its predecessor, although it doesn't contain anything as strong as 'Dakota' or 'Rewind'. Whilst that album reunited Stereophonics with the energy of their earlier recordings, this one brings back the more melodic, emotional edge. Pull the Pin is a frustrating album, in a similar way to Language. As it is they're still exceptionally listenable, especially in comparison to the cruder feel of the occasional rockers that punctuate ('Bank Holiday Monday', 'Crush'). If these songs were more memorable, with clearer melodies, they'd be seriously considered a return to the sound of the band's first two records. The run of songs from 'Daisy Lane' to 'Ladyluck' continue in a similar vein: these are no classics, but highlight a tenderness unheard in Jones's songwriting for quite some time. Nevertheless, it boasts a kind of heart-on-sleeve tenderness hinted at on the previous album's highlights 'Rewind' and 'Lolita'. 'It Means Nothing' is almost a very lovely song, were it not for the tedium of Jones's uninspired, repetitive vocal melody - the kind that's haunted the band for years at this point. Another mediocre Stereophonics record here we come.ĭespite the album's in-your-face opening pieces (albeit ones that closer approximate that local band you heard in the pub in town last week, rather than the influences Jones was trying to channel), the bulk of Pull the Pin is actually more gentle and melodic. The opening two tracks are slightly bluesy rockers, only highly polished: they sound a bit like outtakes from the band's previous record. The inside sleeve boasts photographs of the band looking a bit 'cheeky', including Kelly Jones dressed in leather jacket and sunglasses. Some glossy lips, a grenade's pin and a tasteless font combine to form one of the all-time worst album covers.
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